Nothing kills romance more than heaps of laundry on a messy bed, piles of bills spread over the kitchen table, and remnants of last nights’ dishes towering in the sink.
A survey by Princeton Research Associates International shows 52% of American couples who are married or live together argue over clutter. In a world where the divorce rate is creeping to 50%, inanimate objects DO NOT need to be another reason for discord among our partners!
In honor of the “love month,” and one of my ultimate inspirations behind Room For Peace, I’m raising the conversation about cohabitation stresses. How your stuff, and communication about your use of space, can play a HUGE role in the overall happiness of your relationship.
The cohabitation story usually begins as something like this: You’ve been dating for a while, and things are going really well. You start spending most nights and any amount of free time you have with one another, and suddenly spending money on two separate rents feels like a giant waste. Moving in together sounds like the perfect solution.
Typically moving from situations of living alone or with a roommate, you think- “How much stuff could I really have?”
Most people agree that moving is a banal, laborious process. Most people also underestimate the amount of time and energy that it takes to properly pack, move, unpack and efficiently place items in their new home. This lack of premeditation usually results in piles of thoughtlessly placed belongings; shoved and crammed into the first place that seems suitable. This hastiness, in combination with the merging of yours and another persons’ lifetime supply of items, brings you into precarious territory. Entering it with intentionality can be the difference between a future of resentment and one of harmony when it comes to your combined space.
Merging two lives into one living space should be a beautiful and transformative time in a relationship. Going into the process with refined communication and respect is key.
♥ Remember that everyone has an individual threshold for amount of clutter and open space they feel at peace with.
♥ Acknowledge that while you are both bringing individual items, the space as a unit is yours combined. What you choose to do with “your” possessions DOES have an effect on your partner.
♥ There are no “sides” of the bed, closet, etc. It is important to create a system that flows as one, and you are both able to take ownership of the space
♥ Develop clear homes for your possessions as soon as you move in. Avoid the trap of stacking boxes in spare bedrooms and closets for a “later” day. Chances are if you’re not willing to find them a home when you first move in, you won’t see the contents of those boxes until your next move.
♥ Decluttering and taking inventory of your OWN items before combining them together will save you a LOT of time and confrontation in the future
♥ Avoid pointing the finger at your partner in accusation of too much stuff. Focus on what you can do to organize and simplify your own stuff, and offer a supportive, kind hand when your partner is ready to address theirs.
♥ Simply have the conversation. By talking about your expectations for how you want to maintain your new space with your partner, you are taking control of the situation. You can approach the topic with a calm, empathetic vantage point, rather than waiting until you are knee deep in piles of your partners clothes and last weeks’ dishes.